Business Etiquette – Meals, Menus, and Merlot?

I recently spoke to several groups at Loyola University and was asked several questions about business etiquette.  First, I must say that I am glad that students are asking before they are unleashed upon the rest of us in the business world and second, I must say how shocked and horrified I am that they are not learning this at home.  I received a lovely email from a senior, inquiring about how to impress your boss over a meal and thought I’d share my answers.

–  Why is etiquette in the professional world important–especially for young professionals?

I think first we have to understand that etiquette is not some scary, elusive thing.  It essentially comes down to good manners.  Emily Post defined good manners as making other people feel comfortable. The dictionary defines etiquette as behaving to a certain set code of conduct. Job opportunities as well as business opportunities (i.e. sales) are most often awarded to people that other people want to be around. So, for example, if you’re at dinner and your lack of manners puts other people ill at ease, or distracts them from the business discussion as hand, this is a huge strike against you. You don’t get the job, you don’t get the sale. By the same token, if you show grace and consideration for your fellow diners, then people say “Wow. She was brought up in a good home. She must be educated. She must be smart. She really knows what she’s doing with that fish fork.” Personally, when I see a young professional displaying bad manners, or a lack of etiquette, it makes me think that they’re gauche, and I don’t want to do business with them.

–  In general, what are some good tips for how to make a good impression at a meal with your superior?

Personally, my pet peeves are:

• People that don’t know to put their napkin on their lap as soon as they sit down.
• If I need to say don’t chew gum, or don’t chew with your mouth open, we need to send you home.
• People that think that the bread plate is on the right, thereby leaving someone without a bread plate (your bread plate is always to the left, your water glass to the right)
• People that take something that is being passed, i.e. butter, and forget to continue passing the plate.  Don’t set it down, continue passing until everyone has butter.

Good tips for dining include:

• Avoid ordering food that is messy or eaten with the hands.
• Avoid pasta dishes. (you’ll end up with sauce on your shirt somehow)
• Don’t salt your food before you taste it.  (in business circles this is interpreted as someone who makes snap judgments without all the information)
• Always ask for something that you need to be passed.  Don’t reach across the table to grab it.
• Dinner rolls should never be sliced all the way open, and slathered in butter. The correct way to eat a dinner roll is to break off a bit, and butter only that piece.
• When dining, it is never appropriate to text, check email, or speak on the phone. This is greatly disrespectful to the other people at the table and in the restaurant. If you expect to receive an urgent call, tell the other diners that you’re sorry in advance and that you are expecting an important call.  Excuse yourself and go outside to take the call when it comes in.
• Wear dark clothes if the climate allows. You run less of a risk of a stain showing.
• Be a good guest. Be prepared to ask insightful questions. Do research before the dinner on topics that might be discussed.
• Avoid super hot food which may make you flush. It can read like nervousness.
• Avoid political and religious discussions.
• Don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu.

Concerning drink orders:

For young professionals, when it comes to drink orders, it’s always best to follow the lead of the most senior person at the table.  For example, if the most senior person orders iced tea, you should not order wine. Additionally, unless you are a sommelier, it’s also best to defer the wine selection for the table to someone more senior. If asked for your opinion, don’t say that you like wines that are sweet (this includes white zinfandel and Riesling).   This is seen as an “immature pallet” by knowledgeable wine drinkers.  Also, anything that is made in a blender is usually not appropriate for a business meal. If other people at the table are drinking beer, feel free to follow their lead, but be sure to drink from a glass. (Note: of course you only order alcohol if you’re 21 or older). Know your limit, a sloppy drunk impresses no one.   The two drink maximum is a good rule to have for yourself.  If you’re drinking red wine, be sure to drink water in sips between to avoid stained teeth.

International dining:

Know that in certain circles, eating with your fork in your right hand is considered an extremely American mannerism. If you can master the fine art of eating with your fork in your left hand, and your knife in your right hand, then you’re safe to travel abroad.

And finally:

Sincere thanks are always appropriate and appreciated.

–  Do you have any event or etiquette stories that stick out in your mind (i.e. horror stories involving young professionals)?

I have lots of stories.  Most of the horror stories involve guests that drink too much and end up embarrassing themselves terribly at corporate functions.  Recently a friend of mine was interviewing a young man for a job at a lunch meeting.  My friend ordered iced tea and the young man order vodka.  As both are in the medical profession and both of them had to return to work after lunch…the young man’s drink order cost him the job.

 

The Auction Rules – Here You Go, Don’t Say I Didn’t Tell You

I have been an auctioneer and fund-raising consultant for over 20 years.  Before I go any further, I’m writing down my top and most basic rules of auctions.  This will save me time and help increase the profits for those deserving non-profits that might have a crazy rogue element on this year’s event committee:

1. The absolute worst setup for a live auction is a cocktail party –  Trying to get the attention of a room full of people chatting and cocktailing is asking for disaster.  Somewhere in the mid-70’s, parents gave up teaching their children manners.  The majority of event guests will talk through any program if they are milling around in a stand-up setting.   Consider ditching the live auction and sticking to a silent auction.
2. The best setup for a live auction is either theater style or a dinner banquet – In order to conduct a live auction, you need the audience’s attention.  The best way to do that is to give them chairs and sit them down.
3. There’s a reason movies are usually under 2 hours long – Any motion picture in our society over 2 hours seems really long.  The average attention span of an audience is less than 45 minutes, much less.  Knowing that the average length of time to auction an item is 3 minutes, try not to auction off more than 3 to 6 items.  That’s already half of your programming time.  Pick the best few and keep it simple.  Auction off the rest of the items at the silent auction tables.
4. The silent auction tables must, at all costs, be located in close proximity to the bar – It’s really very simple, alcohol increases sales and people like to go to the bar.  Put the auction tables right next to, in front of, on the way to – the BAR!
5. If you’re not serving alcohol, don’t bother having an auction – I actually worked for an auction company once that wouldn’t consider contracting an auctioneer if they knew there would be no alcohol at the event.  They spent a lot of effort on analysis of auction metrics and behavior.  They knew what they were doing.
6. Don’t ever put the silent auction in its own room – If you think having a “special area” just for the silent auction tables is a good idea, I promise you it will be a huge failure.  Alcohol is the payoff here.  Unless that special room contains ALL the event’s bars, don’t do it.
7. “Celebrity” auctioneers are not guaranteed to sell anything – Celebrities are not sales people.  That’s why they have agents.
8. You must have a good sound system – If you can’t hear anything, you can’t buy anything.
9. You must have good lighting – This goes for both the live auction and the silent auction.  If the lights are dim for dinner, turn them UP for the live auction, otherwise the auctioneer can’t see anyone out in the house bidding.  Putting silent auction tables somewhere dark where no one can read the bid sheets, equally bad.
10. The more the merrier – You need lots of volunteers, lots of silent auction items (okay, there can be too many – consider packaging similar items together if you were super successful getting donations) and lots of guests with lots of wallets, hopefully with lots of dollars in them.
11. Absolute is the absolute best – Consignment means someone else gets most of the money you worked for.
12. Starting bids should be somewhere around 50% of the retail value – otherwise the audience doesn’t perceive a deal.  And deals are why people come to auctions.
13. Don’t misrepresent the item – if it’s a “signed Bruce Springsteen guitar” that means Bruce should have played it onstage and there should be photographs.  Otherwise, it’s just “a guitar that Bruce signed” and that’s usually worth a little more than the actual cost of the guitar.  Likewise, “Dinner with Tony Bennett” means that Tony is sitting at your table, not somewhere else in the same city on the same night.
14. And finally – technology is good.  Check out BidPal.  It increases bids.  Because people like to play with gadgets.

Happy Holidays

Because you want my suggestions for celebrating the holidays, here they are:

1. Remember that cookies & milk left for Santa are a good thing, but Santa really prefers vodka and rum cake.

2. Elves make terrible house guests and Reindeer do not make good pets.

3. Small cats under 2 years of age will strip your Christmas tree of all ornaments and then play soccer with them until 2:00a.m.

4. When in doubt, wear the really ugly Christmas sweater and then pretend it’s ironic.

5. Women do not want appliances as gifts (this includes vacuum cleaners but the exception to the rule are Dysons).  Men do not want anything that doesn’t run on 110 volts.

6. There is only 1 fruitcake in the world.  Your job is to rewrap it and regift it.

7. Eggnog is enhanced by the addition of more rum.

8. Christmas cookies are best served with rum-laced eggnog.

9. The best things in life are not things.

10. Enjoy your family and friends and celebrate your New Year’s Eve in a safe and friendly environment so that I can see you again in 2012.

How NOT to Network – Part 2

The other night, I met my friend Lisa Hansen at a networking event.  It was dark and rainy and she arrived at the function before me.  Prior to my arrival, she was “netwacked”  (a word that I had to coin for my November 14, 2008 blog called How NOT to Network).  I invited Lisa to share the sheer frustration of the experience as my first Guest Blogger.

Listen Up – A Networking Tip for Beginners (or self absorbed, bad listeners) – By Lisa Hansen

To have a good conversation, one must listen, connect and engage. When meeting someone new at a networking function, I try to find connections and I listen. What makes a great listener? You don’t just hear, you ask good questions prompting conversation back and forth. For example:

• What are your company’s core services and specialty?
• What’s your role?
• What types of businesses are your clients?
• How many people work there?
• How long have you worked there?
• Where are you based?
• What do you like about your job?

Unfortunately, all too often, I encounter a one-way street. I ask a question and it’s not reciprocated. I recently met a young man who works for a printing corporation. Now, I’ve been doing marketing and graphic design work long enough to know the services most printers offer. However, this guy didn’t see the word “marketing” on my name badge. For the next 20 (yes TWENTY) minutes, I politely listened to a big long ramble about services, projects, clients, paper type, web presses, QR Codes, publications and more. Honestly, it sounded like a run-on sentence.

At one point, I interjected with a question/comment about a mutually known magazine (they printed it and I placed ads in it), thinking it would prompt a question or two back to me. You know, like, “what do you do now?” No luck. He jumped back to his run-on list. He completely missed that his ramble didn’t entice me to want to do business with him. In fact, it turned me off completely. Seriously, 20 minutes!

When networking, keep your commentary succinct, ask questions and really listen. You’ll engage, connect and maybe make a sale.

Happy Thanksgiving!

If you are celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday this year:

1. Remember that excessive tryptophan consumption and driving do not mix.  If you must eat turkey, please have a designated driver with access to Red Bull.

2. Remember that aerosol whipped cream is for the responsible adults in the household only.

3. Butter is healthier for you than margarine.

4. If you are having a fabulous Pinot Noir or a Pinotage with dinner, remember to invite me.

5. If you are serving white wine, remember “ABC”, anything but Chardonnay.

6. If you are deep-frying your turkey this year, please see the William Shatner PSA video first on this subject.

7. Exposure to distant relatives IS at your own risk.  Prolonged exposure may be hazardous to your health.

8. Pumpkin products have been known to mimic the effects of sweet potatoes.

9. Just because you CAN have lasagna, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.

10. Have a safe & wonderful holiday with your friends and family!

How NOT to Sell – Part 3

My original intent with the “How NOT to Sell” blogs was to provide real advice due to some rather disturbing incidents.  Well, the full moon is back out and those crazy kids in sales have rattled my chain again.  Apparently, two parts were not enough.  As before, these new pieces of advice are based on real incidents because I couldn’t be this ridiculous if I tried:

1. If you send me an email advising me to buy your product – tell me the name of the product!   Seriously.  My mind was blown a week ago when I received an email extolling the virtues of a waterfront hotel and telling me that I should book my next meeting there.  It’s a “waterfront hotel” surrounded by “some the area’s finest waterfront restaurants” and that I could have “a magical waterfront experience for my next event”.  It even listed the Director of Sales name and phone number…..just not the NAME of the property anywhere in the email.   No photo either (extra points deducted for that too – that could have been what I call a clue) How do you get to be a Director of Sales without your company/hotel name in your auto-signature?  This is really Sales 101 folks.  Do I really need to get on my soapbox and yell “Name the product!”?  Apparently I do.
2. Have a complete auto-signature on your emails.  Because if you forget to tell me where you’re from and what you’re selling, this is a clue for me.
3. Never start a conversation by insulting the client.  Is this a new misguided sales technique?  Because if it is, you must stop immediately.  Recently, I received an email from a vendor (that means someone trying to SELL me something), which started out by saying how they had been trying to reach me repeatedly by email and phone to no avail.  I interpreted this to mean that they were calling ME unresponsive.  That means war in my book.  (because I return all phone calls and emails within 24 hours or faster)  The last email that she had sent me prior to this was 4 months ago – really?!
4. Never insult the client’s name.  I had a client and we were meeting with our caterer for an event.  My client was a man named “Stacy”.  The caterer started the conversation by saying “Stacy? I bet you got made fun of a lot in elementary school, didn’t you?”   Can you say awkward moment?
5. Understand that whenever possible, clients like to source products from their local geographic region.  Which is why vendors in India need to stop calling me about letting them handle my database management.  Get a globe.   (it also helps keep shipping costs down)
6. If you take a client’s order and then cancel it, you really NEED to tell the client.  Recently we needed to order some big heavy wooden things.  Needless to say we’re also always working on deadlines.  When the big heavy things didn’t show up and then didn’t show up…..we called the vendor who told us “oh, we cancelled that order, it’s not available”.   This is an example of how not to get repeat buyers.   If availability is even a slight factor, make sure all parties concerned are aware of this.  That’s what a good salesperson would do.

The Rules of Event Planning (according to Petra) – Part 3

The Rules of Event Planning are numerous and so important that we are now incorporating them into our new “Intern Handbook”.   Here’s the next installment.  You know you were waiting for them.

21. The word “JUST” will cost you $1000.00  – For example, “I JUST need a couple centerpieces delivered by this afternoon”….or “Can I JUST get a proposal by this evening?”….or “Can you JUST do a simple ceiling treatment?”….or anything else that starts with “Can you JUST…..”  Just is a four-letter word.
22. Free costs money – Beware of the free venue, free entertainment, free whatever.  It costs you money.  For example, we recently had a client that wanted to put on an event and thought he was doing great because he had a free venue lined up.  Well, the free venue was a large gymnasium, more or less, and in order to turn it into a symposium theater, he needed to rent 700 chairs, a stage, stage lighting, sound production, video production and numerous other things that added up fast and went far beyond his budget capabilities to outfit his free venue.   A week before the event date, the venue was changed to an actual theater that had enough seating built in, along with the permanent stage and audio visual.  Turns out that two thousand in venue rental is better than twelve thousand to outfit a free space.   And beware the band that volunteers to play your charity event for free!  If the entertainment is awful, consider this – your guests will leave before they pull out their checkbooks and make that big donation to the cause. (see next rule)
23. In order to make money, you have to spend money – See Rule #22.  Yes, you need to book real entertainment that costs money.  It will keep the guests happy and they will stay longer.  Long enough to write that check, bid on that item, and have a good enough time to come back next year, with more friends in tow.   And NO – getting all the food and beverage donated is not a good idea.  You’ll run out of whatever it is early because there’s never enough and the guests will be upset.  And upset guests don’t write checks.
24. The goal is NOT the process – Meaning that in order to have a glamorous event, really hard work is required.  Blood, sweat and tears kind of work.  So if your daughter wants to be an event planner because she thinks it’s all fun and glamour games, she’s wrong.  And by the way, how many hours straight can she stay awake onsite?  That’s a skill we can use.   Oh, we didn’t tell you the day doesn’t end at 5:00pm?
25. Showing up is NOT winning – In a society where everyone gets a trophy for participating, guess what?  Not in event world.  We don’t care how cute you are, what can you DO? Event planning is not soccer, it’s dodgeball.  If you can’t catch, you get nailed in the head.
26. Have a backup plan, as a matter of fact, have two – This means that if you are planning an outdoor event, you need a rain plan.  As in either tents or an alternative indoor location.  If you’re really good, you’ll have a backup indoor location and tents on hold.  This also applies to vendors and subcontractors of all types. Don’t have just one of any category.  If you put all your eggs in one basket, you’re going to trip.

I hope these new rules have been helpful. Please feel free to submit any from the field that you may want to share with the class.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere A Sign

The written word has always amused me. I love to read signs. Many of them, for whatever reason, are highly entertaining to me. I thought I’d share:

Recently I was asked to be a judge in the Hard Rock Baltimore’s Battle of the Bands. This was fabulous. During my time there, I managed to take the little tiny elevator. If you’ve been there, you know what I mean. It’s also quite slow. Maybe not as slow as the elevator in the Belvedere, but suffice to say, slow. This is the sign that is in the elevator. Really. You can’t make this up. Which leads one to question – has this been a problem?

So, I took a trip to Austin, Texas. Apparently tornados are an issue there. While at the airport, I noticed that the Ladies Room near baggage claim is multi-purpose. The thought of taking shelter in the Ladies Room struck me as funny.

Back in Baltimore, I went to a function at the Holiday Inn Inner Harbor, where I have some really good friends. In their parking lot, I noticed this sign, which made me giggle, because it made me think that the pedestrians jump out and attack the cars. Beware!! Not “watch out for” or “try not to hit/run over”.

On a trip to Englewood, Florida (great beaches there!), I saw this sign – which just made me really happy. Happy hour starts at 11am, my kind of place!

Recently in New York City, I passed a food cart with this sign. There is so much value to proof reading. Pay for it if you have to – some people are obviously not qualified to make signs on their own, and neither are their printers.

And finally, knowing my penchant for signs – my co-worker Danielle Nekimken thought that I might appreciate this one. Sometimes people need practical advice.

The Rules of Work – Part 2

“The Rules of Work – A Definitive Code for Personal Success” by Richard Templar had so many irritating rules in it that I couldn’t stop myself from continuing:

Rule #35 Don’t Gossip — actually I just taught a class on networking.  Networking used to be called gossiping, especially when done by women.  Look at this way, knowledge is power.  The more you know, the more you know.  Let’s just not be malicious about it.

Rule #48  Never Lie – well if your boss tells you that, then you are not in the hotel sales business.  How many pieces of business have been closed because a sales person said “I have another client looking at that date?”.

Rule #53 Date with Caution – this book talks about being cautious when dating a co-worker.  I’m going to tell you NOT to do it.  It never turns out well.   Also there is the case of one local salesperson that I know, let’s say that he was in the limo business, and he dated every one of his corporate clients (female).  He forgot that everyone “networks”, and he very quickly was deleted from the preferred vendor lists.

Rule #55  Assume That Everyone Else is Playing by Different Rules – okay, this is just too darn complicated.  How about we all play by the same rules and you assume that everyone you deal with has the best intentions for the best outcome?

Rule #59  Speak the Language – so the book says that in your office if everyone uses geeky terms, then you must also.  This is well and good until it becomes a habit and the moment you go to speak with anyone outside of your office, let’s call them customers, they are turned off because you’ve lost all sense of reality, and they don’t know why RevPAR is a good thing.

Rule #67 Never Disapprove of Others – this is a good rule – unless it’s the intern that filed everything under “T”, explaining “there are so many things that start with the”.

Rule #84  Never Lose Your Temper – this sounds like a good rule, but it’s not always effective.  Or realistic.

Rule #97  Know the Favorites and Cultivate Them – this rule says that bosses have favorites and that you should chum up to them.  I’ve always thought this was called brown-nosing.  I’ve always tried to figure out who had the most interesting opinions and view points and tried to understand them.  It makes the workplace so much more diverse that way.  And ours is an office of misfits.  Misfits are the original thinkers.

The Rules of Work – Part 1

As I was walking through our offices, I noticed one of our young, fresh-faced interns reading a book. In itself, not unusual. The book is titled “The Rules of Work – A Definitive Code for Personal Success” by Richard Templar (which made me think of Simon Templar, the character that Roger Moore, who later became James Bond 007 in the 1970’s, played on TV) All in all, I’m a big fan of rules – so that I know when I’m breaking them. I was intrigued. Picking up the book, I flipped through it and decided that it was absurd and that I might benefit our young interns by expounding upon why it’s so ridiculous. So let’s go through some of the worst offenders and have a little discussion, shall we?

Rule #4 Carve out a Niche for Yourself – this rule mainly addresses making yourself useful by spotting something in which you can become the office expert. I take this in a different direction. I think you should carve out a physical niche in the office, and fill it full of stuff – the heavier the better, so that management is dissuaded from moving your office 3 times in the last 4 months. Not that I would know anything about that.

Rule #6 Learn to Ask Why – now…I’m all for this, particularly in the case of interns…but do too much of this and you just become annoying.

Rule #7 Be 100 Percent Committed – this is a good rule, unless we’re talking about mental institutions. In the case of my profession, which is event planning, I don’t agree with this. I always say “Have a plan, just don’t get too attached to it”. Anyone in this business knows that you have to be able to roll with changes (many, many changes) in the course of planning and executing an event. Things sometimes turn out much better than you had planned.

Rule #13 Never Let Anyone Know How Hard You Work – I think this rule is absolutely ridiculous. It goes on in the book to say “never ask for help, never admit you are out of your depth”! This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. We need our interns to ask for help; quite frankly we need our co-workers to ask for help. There are times in our business, high season being one of them, when the typical work load becomes atypical and the last thing we need is to lose personnel due to illness from stress, heart attacks or burnout. This book WAS obviously written by a man. I’m sure he doesn’t ask for directions either. Also – how else will anyone really know that you need a vacation?

Rule #14 Keep your Home Life at Home – okay, so I think this rule might make sense. No, I really don’t care that your 5-year old named his crayon Twinkie. But, if our Event Stylist never brought in touches from home into our office, things would be ever so less fabulous.

Rule #15 Cultivate A Smile – really? This needs to be a rule? Just smile, and mean it. Otherwise everyone will just think you’re a shark. With big teeth.

Rule #16 No Limp Fish – Develop the Perfect Handshake. Okay, this one I agree with. Just don’t make it one of those bone crushing ones so that everyone will think you’re more of a man than you really are. Women hate that. And never shake hands with people’s fingertips. Ick.

Rule #18 Develop a Style That Gets You Noticed – this rule is completely dependent on office culture. We like to think that we are stylish but there’s a fine line before you cross over into the ludicrous. Just know where that line is for your industry. Often being well groomed and neat is enough. In this age of “business casual”, I’m often left wondering when someone said it was okay to wear flip flops to the office. If I can tell you anything, “wear shoes” would be one of them.

Rule #21 Be Cool – this makes my eye twitch. This rule describes how aloof you should be. In our industry, we’d rather see passion. And energy. And engagement.