Because you want my suggestions for celebrating the holidays, here they are:
1. Remember that cookies & milk left for Santa are a good thing, but Santa really prefers vodka and rum cake.
2. Elves make terrible house guests and Reindeer do not make good pets.
3. Small cats under 2 years of age will strip your Christmas tree of all ornaments and then play soccer with them until 2:00a.m.
4. When in doubt, wear the really ugly Christmas sweater and then pretend it’s ironic.
5. Women do not want appliances as gifts (this includes vacuum cleaners but the exception to the rule are Dysons). Men do not want anything that doesn’t run on 110 volts.
6. There is only 1 fruitcake in the world. Your job is to rewrap it and regift it.
7. Eggnog is enhanced by the addition of more rum.
8. Christmas cookies are best served with rum-laced eggnog.
9. The best things in life are not things.
10. Enjoy your family and friends and celebrate your New Year’s Eve in a safe and friendly environment so that I can see you again in 2012.
